Today / A Journal of Sorts / 11.17.14

A letter to myself, when I was young. (In response to this post)

You won’t always be ineloquent;

someday words will flow the way they’re supposed to, (even if it’s never perfect)

You don’t ramble, my dear, your words are valuable

but sometimes it’s hard to hear with all the thoughts dying to be spoken,

I understand.

You were awkward, it’s okay to be awkward.

It’s okay to crumble.

Blemishes aren’t always bad.

And bruises are past pain.

You don’t slaughter words, you just get nervous.

It’s okay if you don’t get the intended meaning the first time.

I still don’t, and I don’t think I ever will.

But that’s okay.

Please don’t be so frustrated,

Don’t be afraid to speak. 

It doesn’t have to be perfect.

Give it time and you’ll understand.

Don’t let your fear control you.

You can speak quite well if you ask me.

And as for typing, comments, chat messages.

You’re damn good at that… (even if sometimes you’re not)

There’s nothing scary about opinions

And don’t make end goals the only standard.

You’re not a bag of trash, you’re just not finished yet.

None of us are finished yet. 

I regret saying things too, but their not rubbish, just mistakes.

Everyone makes mistakes. 

You’ll always beat yourself up,

but you never asked for sympathy, you asked for time. 

It’s not exaggerating if it’s how you feel, little one.

But you are right, we’ll never meet our standards

But it isn’t the end

I know you were angry, but didn’t want to be,

at both God and man.

But you’re still not self-centered (even if your world was a little smaller)

It’s okay to vent sometimes, you’re hurt and you pretend you’re not.

You might have been negative, but now you can be optimistic.

Because you were wrong when you said you would always doubt yourself,

and that you’d always hate the choices that you made.

You don’t have to wait until you take your last breath.

You are better now

You will believe in yourself one day

You have always had something interesting to say

You can love who you are, and hate yourself at the same time

And you might not know who you are yet, but you’re going to

Eventually.

Yes, you can still be insecure and confident

And some days are better than other days. 

You can change and cry at the same time

You have always been loved, and you always will be.

Happy endings might be hard to see sometimes.

But struggles make us stronger.

and you’re just struggling, not failing

You are valuable, and you have always deserved to be loved.

you will always deserve to be loved

God loves you even if you don’t know it yet.

You’re still waiting for your man, but that’s fine

The Christmas eve bit is a little over hyperbole if you ask me

(But christmas eves don’t feel like they used to)

You don’t have to wait to be someone, because you always have been someone

someone who’s special and unique and valuable

you just don’t know it yet. 

But you will, today.

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